Disclaimer: The
following post on the SJBMCPRS Report is not to be taken overly seriously, and
is purposely expressive with an intent to imply the author’s perspective (which
people are free to view if they choose to). However, the contents of this post
will contain some real-world properties and dark tones, which along with the
entirety of this post may be taken as offensive to people.
“Exploring the unknown require tolerating
uncertainty”– Brian Greene
As
a progeny who stagnates from time to time as life’s proverbial roadblocks
spontaneously arise, I can only ponder with various emotions and answerless
questions about thyself, as well as the possible implications for those people
significant to me. Who am I really? What am I capable of? What, if anything
will validate my existence? Am I doing the very best I can, or can someone else
being me do things right instead of wrong?
The
best answer I can give at this moment of time to the majority of my questions
is; aside of the obvious self-demoralising answers I forever bestow myself
with, is one (1) of uncertainty. Putting it simply; “I don’t know”. ...Seems
like the easiest answer and response a being could give doesn’t it? Ultimately
though, this vague and inconclusive answer and response is significant because
I simply cannot be certain of much until I re-evaluate myself with hindsight in
the future. Perhaps other people can comprehend this notion of thinking...
What
makes thyself ponder with countless theoretical possibilities and outcomes, but
no definitive answers, is partially due to the growing understanding of thyself.
Learning about and comprehending me is an ongoing pilgrimage through the course
of my existence, and its one (1) that ought to be hidden away in the restricted
section of the library at Hogwarts, so that people don’t uncover and shriek
upon learning. For the most part; new information and discoveries have fallen
upon the awful sponge that is my brain like droplets of rain across the Sahara.
It is an exhaustingly sluggish progress to say the least, maybe the doctors
evaluating me at a very young age were right about me having the comprehension
and mentality of a toddler by the age of adulthood... The fact of the matter is
that every time I encounter a situation ‘good’ or bad’; I learn from it, and
that obtained knowledge helps me understand myself a little more, and helps me
adapt to oncoming situations. Like a Pikachu presented with a Thunder Stone; I
am evolving from my experiences and change accordingly, ...though I don’t
process the ability to cast Lightning attacks which sucks!
In
a nutshell; I evolve as a person just like any other person does through
experiences, regardless if I am aware of it happening or not. What’s that? I
levelled up to lv.14, by comprehending that as a person I change? Yay! Pokémon
references aside though; I am far from wise and done with learning about
thyself, the world I exist in, and life in general. I got a long way to go
before I can even measure up to a decent human being. As of now; I am content
with me being me, even if that means being me is as good as a decomposing
carcass in a apartment with the heating turned up high, with all the windows
shut, and the Summer heat boosting the temperature to eighty-eight (88) degrees
Fahrenheit!
And
yet; I have certain notions of agitation to the chapters of my life that have
yet to be unravelled, or in other words...the future. This is due to being
uncertain of what may come and happen, but also from being the speculativre type and growing wary of growing trends like the increasing population across the Earth, overabundance of technology, obesity, debt and so on. Part of me thinks that the potrayal of humanity as moving and talking blobs sitting in flying chairs and consumed with technology in the Pixar film WALL-E is a reality that is becoming more and more likely!
Aside from having no exact clue of what the future may behold; I am also apprehensive of what my future will be. It’s no secret that I don’t regard
myself highly and I am painstakingly aware of potential wrong doings done by me
causing disdain upon another person’s life once again. So with that said; I
restlessly worry about what the ‘World’s Nemesis’ (me in other words) will
evolve into as a person, and as a plaque to society. I
(the author) don’t exactly try to hide how I feel about myself or how I
perceive the world around me either. If the SJBMCPRS Report has done anything
besides prove that there is yet another nutcase in the largest toilet in the
known world known as the internet (or ‘interturd’ as I like to call it),
spewing expressive nonsense; it is that I am inclined to my own bias and
therefore not able to perceive myself as anything other than the worst of the
worst. In the llllllloooooooooooooooonnnnnnnggggg time it has taken to compile
this particular post; I have created a logo through Microsoft Office PowerPoint
to symbolise what I think portrays SJBMCPRS well enough to those who read the
SJBMCPRS Report, or have the displeasure of knowing me (I couldn’t exactly find
a piece a picture of s*** for the logo...so I improvised).
(Record abruptly stopping
sound) For those who can’t interpret the SJBMCPRS logo; it is supposed to be a
combination of a caution sign (with a hydra pointing downwards and a picture of
the Earth beneath portraying the explanation point) and Ouroboros where the
hydra is eating its own tail. This is intended to symbolise infinite caution
and the notion that SJBMCPRS is depicted as the modern day hydra. The more the
know...)
Esentially
what SJBMCPRS is trying to portray (via posts and the logo) is that I (the
author) think of myself as amonstrous blemish on the face of society, and that
(no matter how hard I try) no ‘good’ comes out from myintentions or existence.
While this sounds like a broken record stuck on loop right now; this is the way
I perceive thyself, and I don’t see this changing in the future, regardless of
how much or how little I adapt as I grow older. Putting it simply; I do not
think there is a rosy future for the modern day hydra/’World’s Nemesis’.
What
if; hypothetically, a thirty-six (36) year-old, and still stubborn-minded me has
the wellbeing of other people to consider and provide for, and be responsible
for teaching a younger generation about the ‘rights’ and ‘wrongs’, and how to
behave appropriately in given situations. Being unemployed, unhealthy, unmotivated,
and abysmal towards society in general, won’t yield any good outcomes that
would be beneficial to anyone. In this scenario I would be proving myself to be
the worst of the worst and would be letting those closest to me down (which
no-one would want to do). What if my ignorance, stubbornness and unwillingness
to adapt, makes this possibility a reality?
What
if; I accomplish nothing and scold everyone and everything around me and
because I don’t want to accept nor comprehend anything that has happened, and
truly live up to the name of ‘No good, waste of life, lump of s***’, and all
the rationalising I muster up tells me I f***ed up everything, and it’s too
late to make amends. Is this the person I want to become? What is a future when
the rain washes away my presence and my last gasping words do not fulfil
forgiveness for my repeated mistakes, or worth?
Life
was much easier to enjoy when I was younger and in primary school in spite of
my blind-stupidity and difficulties learning; because I couldn’t comprehend
thyself or much of the ongoing things around me. It was accepted that I would
cry when things got out of hand or certain things didn’t agree with me, like a
poem I wrote and decided to decorate in spite of it upsetting me when my work
was unaccepted by the teacher. I had help to get me through my difficulties,
learn, and develop at a pace that agreed with me. Nowadays though; the younger version of me
who had a torn hamstring in one (1) of my legs, wouldn’t be crying about the
pain, but instead would be crying at the monstrosity I evolved into.
Being
the person I am today; I realise that though I couldn’t do anything about the
way I developed, and nor can I change the past (because the TARDIS in Doctor
Who doesn’t exist in reality), I was both fortunate and hindered by my
ignorance. With hindsight I am put in an unfavourable position because I could
not grasp the concepts of growing up when the majority of people at my age at
the time could and did. I couldn’t evolve into a person that I respect or like
when I look at myself via a mirror, and I feel that I will undoubtedly think
thyself that way in the near future. And given the ever growing complexity of
life, and the fact I am still trying to catch up and trying to accept that the
world and thyself isn’t black and white; I don’t have much optimism or
certainty for the oncoming chapters of my life.
Will
I be monstrous; will I be foul. Here’s what ‘they’ said to me. Que Sera, Sera.
Whatever will be will be. The future’s not ours, to see. (An abridgment of Doris Day’s Whatever will be, will be song published
in 1956.)
The
reality is; as the Doris Day song implies, it is uncertain what the future has
instore for the ‘World’s Nemesis’, let alone anyone else (unless there are
legitimate fortune tellers who CAN predict the future out there in existence). While
I don’t believe the Earth, and humanity will be hampered by nuclear fallout,
the overabundance of religious foreshadowing, or overrun by aliens; nothing is
entirely ‘impossible’, and life is most certainly unpredictable. Even so; one
(1) can’t simply wait for time, happenstances and circumstances to write the
next chapter and bestow the spoils that are wished or hoped for; the future one
(1) desires has to be made to happen. A rich man can wish to be even richer in
the near future, but saying it doesn’t make it happen; there are various
factors both within the control of the wishful rich man and not that affect an
outcome, though painstaking effort and devotion does increase the odds of
fulfilment. In other words; expressing how I want to evolve into a decent human
being and prove to be not a ‘No good, waste of life, lump of s***’, but someone
who can do some ‘good’; isn’t going to cut the mustard. I have to use the
abilities, attributes, knowledge and understanding I have accumulated thus far
to make the most of what I’ve got and build upon those foundations to adapt to
the oncoming and unknown future ahead.
Alas,
expressing one’s intention and effort to make something happen doesn’t always
yield the exact satisfactory outcome desired. There are countless variables and
factors that have influence upon happenstances and circumstances that may or
may not affect you directly. The future while predictable through understanding
trends and exploration, can be just as uncertain as a change in the weather in
spite of weather forecasts implying something different based on data. Thus there
is an unknown quality that cannot be comprehended as precisely as the prophecy told
by a trio of witches in the story and play Macbeth by William Shakespeare.
Nothing in life is as certain as a story like Macbeth because a story is
something that is created through direct influence and can be portrayed exactly
as the author wants, whereas life has only two (2) conclusive points; the
beginning of one’s life, and his/her death.
I
dislike surprises because the unpredictability of a surprise or sudden event
interrupts the progress and flow of life that I know, can comprehend and to an
extent manage. A surprise is a happenstance that can cause inconsistencies or
problems in the same way as having more components in an engine of a car; makes
the engine less reliable, because if one (1) component falters or fails then
the whole engine is compromised and no longer running at a hundred percent
(100%) efficiently. Unfortunately, I am not exempt from the countless
influences, which means my efforts to adapt to and tolerate the ever changing
flow of existence may still be in vein because something beyond my control can
happen and come to me a surprise or shock and affect me subsequently. Just like
everyone else in existence then; I am not completely in control.
So
what can one (1) do other than keep a stiff upper lip, or keep calm in the face
of an uncertain future, and the proverbial roadblocks that popup either now and
again or spontaneously? The only answer I can think of quite frankly is to
accept the unknown qualities and growing to tolerate uncertainties so that
thyself is prepared for life’s proverbial roadblocks, thus resisting the
knock-on effect of a surprise or sudden event has when they occur.
Thankfully;
the numerous resources available on the internet (once you get passed all the
haters, popups, false virus warnings, and senseless petitions that flood it),
can be of use, as can the contents within book publications, TV, radio and so
on, to give insights, tips, and stories that may help educate and prepare one
(1) for possible eventualities.
(Record abruptly stopping
sound) …Just be wary about what you are being told through written and spoken
words via physical media like newspapers, books, pamphlets, videos, podcasts,
songs etc. because all forms of interaction are susceptible to confirmation
bias. It is crucial to have an understanding of what your searching for, and
the ability to subtract the useful parts of information from any resource that
may be inaccurate due to differences in interpretation and objective.
One
such resource I uncovered was the Myers-Briggs personality assessment, which a
test consisting of questions that determine what personality type out of
sixteen (16) and traits the person doing the assessment has. In a desire to
understand myself better; I did the assessment for free, and ten (10) or so
minutes later, I was indicated to be in the INFJ personality category.
According to this assessment; an INFJ translates as ‘Introvert, Intuitive,
Feeling, Judging’, and I have to say the explanations of the INFJ personality
type does resonate with me, and identifies traits that I did not recognise
until reading about it. This results of the assessment expresses that the INFJ
personality type is more likely to speculate about matters, detect patterns
beyond given explanations, make decisions based on personal values, and makes
detailed plans.
Now
does this mean I’m going to open the closest window and yell out ‘I AM AN INFJ!’
like Lisa Simpson does in She of Little Faith (episode six (6) of season
thirteen (13)) when announces herself as a Buddhist? Heck no! That would make
me as bad as those people with the shortest fuses who blow up and write hateful
comments and say ‘so and so is a.....’ because they take things out of context
to get offended! (...Seriously this is
just one (1) example of why humanity annoys me so much, and why I think the
boom of social media is not a step in the right direction in terms of
technologic and social evolution.)
Instead;
what I thought I would do is explain how best I deal with knock-backs when I
feel deflated (sad), and make myself feel better. How do I do that? By writing
fan-fiction. As an author of fan-fiction that is only intended for
self-satisfaction and escape from the endless well of low self-esteem, and
nonsense which is consuming and heating the world quicker then climate change;
I create context for fictional characters in fictional worlds that encounter
situations not-unlike those encountered in reality, and delve ever deeper into
the colourful attributes that define the characters and their worlds. Recently
however, I crafted a moment of actualisation through words and exploration that
is palpable within the fictional existence, and causes thyself to ponder about
his own situations. The following is an extract from one (1) of my
fan-fictions: Corpse Party -Remnants of Nirvana-. (Please note the change in text size and font is deliberate to identify
the extract from the post. Plus, the font in italic in the extract is to imply
Naomi’s inner thoughts.)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Naomi: My heart plummets a little upon being
reminded of how generally harsh and curt I have been to Seiko. I wonder why I
have acted the way I do when really all Seiko does is play around and think of
me. Seiko doesn’t deserve the unfair treatment I give to her in return. I realise
now that I need to improve on this distasteful behaviour of mine before it goes
too far and I lose Seiko as a friend for life.
Seiko: “Cheer
up Naomi, I don’t want you feel upset by what I said. It’s a give and take
kind-of thing we have”
Naomi: “How so?”
Seiko must have seen my distraught
expression, and figured out why I was feeling glum.
Seiko: “I
give as much to you as you give to me. We do as much as we can together when we
get the time, like go to the hairdresser’s, ride our bikes, and dress up! And
we both cross that line at times, me more so. But that’s a good thing because
what I take from our exchanges is an understanding of how much you are prepared
to tolerate, that in turn teaches me about how to push the limits without going
so far that you hate me for the rest of our lives”
Naomi: “You
sure do push the boundaries” Though there
is never any mean spirit at all and they are great to look back on and laugh.
Seiko: “Indeed
I do, but there’s a reason. If I don’t make attempts to express what I really
want to express, then I’m lying not just to myself but to you as well. You
Naomi do the same thing, you’re just better at hiding it and don’t do it as
much. Relationships adapt and grow, and the best and longest relationships
constantly push and push to establish a greater understanding and bond. But a
relationship without crossing the lines, is one that stagnates and ends badly”
Naomi: “Wait,
I’m confused. Are you saying that we have to have this back and forth for our
relationship to last?”
Seiko: “Yup,
its human nature Naomi. Whether it’s a friendship, or a relationship where
people fall in love with one another, it grows and changes just like we do as
people”
Naomi: “Does
this mean you occasionally land yourself in trouble with me on purpose?”
Seiko: “No
not on purpose, I just have an unbreakable attraction to you, and I can’t often
help myself”
Naomi: I blush and chuckle. “Don’t I know it” You’re so energetic, and always seem to have
the biggest blast being with me. So why do I push her back when Seiko is just
being Seiko? My moment of fluster is all but wiped away.
Seiko: “Aside
from my infatuation getting a little out of control at times; what I said about
how we interact and engage is built on the basis of human nature. We don’t
realise it beyond a subconscious level, but it’s there, and every relationship
develops from how people respond to one another. Take for example the thorny
relationship of the Class rep and Kishinuma; do you think she’ll stay angry at
Kishinuma forever because he has upset her?”
Naomi: “No, I
think Class rep is willing to acknowledge that Kishinuma’s suspicion was
justified, but is having a hard time accepting her flaws. She’ll resent
Kishinuma for a while, but in the end Shinozaki will realise that Kishinuma was
right and acknowledge his loyalty to her”
Seiko: “Right,
which in turn will make Class rep more likely to trust Kishinuma in the future,
thus the relationship grows because the line was crossed and both will learn
how to improve themselves and their relationship from this situation”
Naomi: “What
if the Class rep doesn’t learn from this however; what if this is a line that
has been crossed too far and Shinozaki cannot trust Kishinuma ever again?”
Seiko: “Then
it’s her loss, because a guy like Kishinuma who can think for himself and save
her life like he did last night, is a keeper in my book”
Naomi: I was agreeing with Seiko at every step, but
I HAD to take a moment to process everything she said. Her words are so honest
and overwhelming, and I no choice but to believe Seiko, even if my mind is
overworked. “Wow... You covered a lot of psychological knowhow just now. I
think my brain is overcooked!”
Seiko: “He,
he! Don’t worry about it Naomi”
Naomi: I feel Seiko’s left arm and hand extending
over my left shoulder.
Seiko: “You
just continue being you, I’ll continue being me, and we’ll get along famously”
Naomi: Despite my guilt for treating Seiko so
poorly was persistently causing me to resent myself, I do feel better upon
Seiko enlightening me about the ways that a relationship works, and not being
mad at me or pulling any punches for being treated so badly, even though she
has every right to. I must take this to heart and treat Seiko fairly in order
for Seiko and I to grow closer and stronger. For a start, I extent my right arm
and hand over Seiko’s right shoulder to complete the side by side embrace Seiko
started.
Seiko: “That’s
my right shoulder Naomi”
Naomi: “Yeah”
Seiko: “Shouldn’t
your hand be grabbing my pooper instead?”
Naomi: Both Seiko and I laugh. “Oh right,
because that’s now my thing I do apparently, grabbing dat ass of yours”
Seiko: “I
would grab hold of yours. It’s such a pretty sight and swanky”
Naomi: “Go on
then”
Seiko: “Really?”
Naomi: “Yeah
really. You allowed me to a couple of days ago. It’s only fair that I give you
the same privilege”
Seiko: “Yay!”
Naomi: Seiko immediately placed her left hand on my
ass, and relished on rubbing my backside. I was doing the same to Seiko’s
backside, and it no longer felt at all strange or embarrassing for me. As
perverted as this was, it is fun to play along with this habit that Seiko loves
so much. It feels good to have Seiko by my side. It really feels good.
Seiko: “You’re
taking what I said to heart”
Naomi: “I am,
I want our relationship to evolve and last forever”
Seiko: “And
it will. It will”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That
concludes the extract from the working progress of my fan-fiction
interpretation of the Corpse Party series, known as Corpse Party -Remnants of
Nirvana-. I expect numerous reactions ranging from ‘What the...what the f***
was that?’, to ‘I don’t not have a clue what’s going on’, and reactions
befitting the short fused types that will bang on about ‘That’s filth! You are
a disgusting piece of s***! How dare you desecrate the genius source
material!’. I may also here things like ‘This is devaluing women as nothing
more than fan service for the perverted male mind!’, and angry responses left
and right regardless of how I explain myself.
...But
I will do so regardless. Firstly; the extract provided above is fan-fiction,
and there is NO intention of publishing it to the public. It is for my own
amusement and helps develop my creative writing skills. Secondly, the extract
is based on a multiverse principle where Corpse Party -Remnants of Nirvana-
diverts from a Wrong Ending just like Corpse Party Book of Shadows does in the
official timeline and story, and thus exists in a nexus that is parallel to the
official story. Thirdly; I wish to explore more possibilities and make the
entire series (apart from Musune, Another Child, and Zero) connect despite the
likes of -The Anthology- Sachiko no Ren’ai Yugi Hysteric Birthday 2U being
considered a spin-off title. I am a fan of the Corpse Party series and I wish
simply to have fun putting my own spin on the story, that is all.
...Now
I wait for the barrage of hate to rain down upon me, because despite my
explanation, people who only listen to want they want to hear will use parts
taken out of context to ‘validate’ their ‘anger’ and lead brainless followers
in the ‘crusade for righteousness’ or some kind of nonsense. History has shown
that there are people out there that will get on their high-horse and express
impressive sounding words and slogans they looked up to make them sound forceful
when really they’ve left their common sense back at home and have no idea how dippy
they are making a commotion about something which compared to the likes of the
EU, acts of terrorism is minute. You think I’m kidding? Just go and look upon
reactions from the ‘SJW’, and people who just band together and stir up a s***
storm because they’re feelings are hurt. Frankly I rolled my eyes upon learning
of the backlash against James Rolfe for his video explaining why he won’t be
seeing or reviewing the 2016 Ghostbusters film. James Rolfe explained himself
clearly why he is not interested in the film and he didn’t condemn the film in
any matter, he was professional, not in any of his characters like the Angry
Video Game Nerd, and yet...the reactions were OTT and face-palm awful. Now it’s
not just James Rolfe being attacked; many people have been attacked this way on
different matters this through various forms of media before and after this
transpired, like politicians. Frankly I’m getting a little sick of seeing it,
and though it doesn’t affect me, it does make me aware of it every time I watch
or hear something and I foresee a backlash coming. Yes, people are allowed
their opinions, their beliefs etc. and I have expressed my opinions here and
there. BUT stuff like this is just plain awful. To these types of people; wake
up and look at the world, and learn to keep your opinions to ourselves and shut
the f*** up about insignificant matters.
So
now that I have expressed my displeasure in the paragraph above, I will mention
that the purpose of sharing the extract from my Corpse Party -Remnants of
Nirvana- fan-fiction with this post is not to self-advertise, but to show a
form of evolution between the characters Naomi Nakashima and Seiko Shinohara
for the most part. I felt this is relevant given the topic of evolution in this
post (though Charles Darwin won’t be pleased because this post talked about
personal evolution and the uncertainties of not knowing what the future may
provide, then the theory of evolution). Of course I am aware that there are readers who may not know about
the Corpse Party series, which is fine; I won’t huff, and I won’t puff, and blow
house down because of it, I’m not a wolf in a fable and no pigs actually live
in houses, unless we start considering Americans...
Now
before I get chased down and pulverised into so many tiny particles, that
Weymouth could use as sand for the beach; I shall conclude this post. I apologise
for this post taking a llllllloooooooooooooooonnnnnnnggggg time to come out; I
needed the extra time to prepare my secret bunker so I can escape to and evade the
wrath of the people I have potentially offended! Kidding aside; this post was
somewhat a head-scratcher to create along with the logo design. Hopefully the
next post won’t take so long to produce, but I won’t make any promises. Until
next time, see ya!
